Learning from our mistakes and losses…depressing. No one likes to lose. Today, we steep our children in a culture of “everyone’s a winner.” In some cases we no longer keep score in competitive sports for young kids. Of course we want to infuse our future leaders with high self esteem. Not coincidentally sociopaths’ personality profiles include high self esteem and strong egos. Back when I grew up, we fiercely competed to win only to slouch our way back home, head hung low, to tell our parents we lost.

Getting back on the playing field after coaching and practice and most importantly knowing what we did wrong gave us the tools we needed to win the next game. When we don’t really understand why we lost, we cannot understand how to improve and how to achieve better results. Self esteem be damned in the business world as grown-ups.

Sales leaders generally believe they understand the reasons for a lost opportunity. Price, lack of product features or functionality, not enough executive support internally, and a lack of focus on the proposal comprise just some items on the “excuse laundry list.” We’ve heard them all and can rattle them off like a bad elevator pitch.

Further, the rate of market innovation as well as surmounting competitive threats can foster a company culture of the “fire drill.” Everyone runs around when the siren sounds and it’s nearly too late to put out the blaze before you lose the opportunity. Our egos are bruised and the smoldering cinders left over from the fire still burn your feet as you walk in the door to your office, head hung low. Who is to blame?

The best answer comes directly from your customer – and what I can say from experience is that it’s not about you. And that’s the point.

While doing some research not long ago I spoke to the CEO of a competing company to the one I worked for at the time. During our conversation he said his sales team found it easy to compete with us and win. I looked clearly stunned by his audacity – this small company was beating us and winning big contracts with our ideal customers. Why? We focused our pitch and our strategy on our capabilities and NOT on the customer’s requirements and how we’d make them successful.

I confirmed this with an actual customer. She told me that our folks didn’t give her the confidence she needed to know that we’d solve their challenge. We only talked about ourselves (and did this in too many slide presentations.) Our world view was inside out rather than an outside in. So, indeed it wasn’t about us.

We’re all losers. But good losers slouch home and try harder next time – not by repeating our mistakes and expecting different results – but by arming ourselves with the right information rather than a set of well-rehearsed excuses. Score one for the home team.

Ilene Kaminsky is the Managing Director of Lumina’s Silicon Valley office. If you want to really find out why your ideal customer didn’t buy, contact us about our Opportunity Loss Review service.